A NEW YOU NOW
A NEW you NOW! Ok - so here is the deal - I am going to explain exactly how to get started resurrecting the new FABULOUS you! I am going to give you my 3-step sure-fire way to be your best self - by MONDAY!!!!
(If Monday is a millennia from now.)
Okay, now let's be real. Maybe you decided to read this article - and other articles like it - because you want the answers to fix all your problems right this minute. I relate. As long as I can remember, I have picked up magazines and books with hopes of finding THE SOLUTION - once and for all that would make me MY BEST ME - and always RIGHT NOW!
What made me to decide to even broach this subject is that I have started this column TWO TIMES - and shockingly both times lost what I was writing. Version 1 and Version 2 are somewhere in cyber space - or my computer or my phone - and maybe I will find them and resurrect them, but honestly, those lost versions of my column had not a thing to do with what I am currently writing to you…
I am fast approaching 50 and if I could save someone pain I would. We should experience ups and downs, but not from self-judgment or self-loathing we possess simply because we are not yet the person we hope to be, whether physically, or relationally or otherwise. So here are some REAL tips - that I have used to help myself overcome my negative self-talk and self-judgment.
1. Start intentionally LISTENING to yourself and your thoughts. I was spending time with a friend from out of town and what struck me was the chronic self-deprecating things she would say to and about herself - OUT LOUD? What was especially interesting was her complaint that her husband was not “supportive." As we were shopping, I finally pointed out several negative things and put downs she SAID ABOUT HERSELF. It was crazy - she did not know what I was talking about - until a woman who overheard our conversation did indeed confirm that she had just put herself down. I pointed out that her husband’s put downs were far fewer than her own. EYE OPENING! What we believe about ourselves, what we say to ourselves, is usually what manifests in our lives.
2. Create affirmations. Counteract the default messages you have been saying to yourself. Instead of “I can never remember anything” say instead: "I am good at and getting better at remembering the things I need to and want to." OR instead of saying "I am out of shape and cannot stand the way I look,“ try saying "I am so HAPPY that I get to invest time and energy working out so I can keep my body healthy and strong."
3. Forgive quickly. WHEN you mess up and make a mistake, what do you say to yourself? "Oooops. I blew that and although it was not fun, I am happy that I got to try, I get to learn and I am capable of trying again." I seriously recaptured HOURS of wasted time and energy with this one. Instead of beating myself up for an hour, I am “over myself in 5 minutes.”
4. Lower your standards. WHAT???? Are you CRAZY ROBYN???? No, not all all. Most women I know set such outrageous standards for themselves that there is no hope in Hades they could achieve them. I encourage and coach people to set a “time” goal on projects. The MAIN reason is, most people are such perfectionists. They either: (a) never even get started on something (underlying fear is it will never be good enough) or (b) they use the out of control standard to beat themselves up. Either way, this is NO BUENO.
5. Have a mantra of simply getting better. Not about achieving or even “finishing.” When I was with Mary Kay a long time ago, our leader would make us say: “Every day in every way, I AM getting better and better!" If I could save you one thing - I would save you the wasted time and energy you have been using to put yourself down and help you learn to build yourself up, build positivity up and build others up.
My goal for the New Year is that you understand that YOU do not have to be new. That there is absolutely nothing wrong with you the way you are at this moment. Yes, there might be things that we're not excited about when we examine our lives. Yes, there may be things that we would like to improve upon. But the real freedom comes with loving and understanding and caring about ourselves as we progress - at this very moment, right here, right now.
If anybody ever tells you to throw away the old you and completely replace yourself with someone new, stop reading, stop listening, stop believing the lie that you are so intrinsically flawed that you need to replace who you are.
You are beautiful, made from starshine, forever beloved, and you are getting even better that you already are - every day in every way.